Don’t Put me there!

Don’t put me there, back in those uncomfortable feelings.

Feelings of never being good enough, feelings of no matter how good I am at anything, you are disappointed.

That I’m not as good as this one or that one. Your displeasure that I don’t do it like everyone else. No matter what skills I learn, or classes I take, and hope to improve for my piece of mind. You search for what I don’t have.

When the staff changes, as often it does, you have your new star*, you have your “ favorites’, who do whatever they wish with no dire consequences. And there is the most loved, who can speak directly to the mgt. Your long-time business model works that way and of course, the role you have chosen for me is a scapegoat: all your anger and frustration are saved for me. Lately, there haven't been any new hires so that's why you refuse to treat me equally. So no matter how much business I bring in, have customers who love me, and show up rain or shine you have decided for me to be the object of your frustration.

Partly like insurance systems where people are given training and learn skills, attract customers, and move on to places that value them more, leaving client lists to hand out to your favorites.

With many sales, means compensation for me. Schedules get delayed, I have had so many projects with one piece missing until the next month ( next billing cycle) Is delaying compensation part of the plan to either keep people from leaving or to make them so crazy that they leave and you don’t have to pay what is owed? I wonder.

Your control affects my income, my mood, and my sense of worth. I love work but something about having you controlling my life and not always nice about it makes me go deep in thought. What is the purpose of this life lesson?

So I beg you please don’t put me there.