Thank you Camouflage

While on my work today I heard a song for the first time called : Camouflage!

It reminded me of a specific memory, one that I hope to transcend as I write.

I heard the song on the radio about a big marine during the Vietnam war, it brought tears to my eyes. It was about a big marine that saved soldiers in a tight spot. It reminded me of a moment in my life that I’ll be forever grateful for a big Marine.

Back in 2003 my in-laws convinced me to take my ex back in while he was waiting to move into a condo with friends. We were in the midst of separation . I lived in a small studio in Clairemont. He was always angry about everything. One day a client who happened to be a man, had called me about business, it was not romance.

He aggressively grabbed my phone and punched me in the eye. Unfortunately for him, fortunate for me, it was in front of a sliding glass door and in plain sight of the BBQ pit. Suddenly in a flash, my big Marine neighbor across the hall from me, opened the door and said : one of you has got to go, I am calling the police!

My ex jumped over the balcony two ft below to the sloping hill to the BBQ’s. He ran to his friends in PB. Unlike the first time, I saved myself. The police arrived and I didnt fill out the paperwork to make it a case. Why? I wouldn’t have to go to court and face him again. The experience put fear in my heart.

The revolving door of domestic violence victims, at last I have the courage to close for good. I want that energy out of my life. I am no longer a victim but a survivor and warrior. I describe it as a revolving door, the system of DV cases,

They beat you, the cops come, you go to court, they go to class or jail, pay fines. They are mad at you for doing something about their violent behavior.They blame you for the problem, and come hit you again and the whole system goes on repeat. Cycle after cycle until you either get lost in the system, or dead, or in my situation decide to consciously decide to bring it to an end. How?

I tried different ways to end it all.

1. Fighting back only made it worse. The idea was to stand up for myself.
2. Getting the police involved only increased the backlash. Only once it was successful when he showed up at my workplace, I called the police and I gave him a choice to get arrested again or leave peacefully. It was not something that was easy to do.
3. He called my phone, he showed up at my work, yelling for hours. How did I ever make it through those days: nerves of steel and optimism.

Eventually, he asked for a divorce. I was finally free on paper. Getting my mind, heart and soul back took years. As you probably realized as I am writing this, hopefully the traumatic image of that time will finally be erased from my soul. Probably one of the most difficult situations in my life to endure and overcome.

I never got the name of that Marine across the hall, though the one in “ Camouflage” for sure reminded me of him! He told my ex that if he ever stepped foot in my house, he would be dead, and I absolutely believed him, as did my ex.

Thank you Camouflage!