Where to find peace

In the last two weeks:

I had dreams of suicide

Three optimist died this week

Someone I was casually dating and talked with every day just about for two years brought a date to the events I organized stopped talking to me and friends I used to see every week got married moved away and showed up at the dinner and mentioned a 12 step program for over eating to me. And does not let me talk with them.

Same with my coworkers they all laugh and talk together. If go to join in they quickly assign me tasks and often in an angry tone

Was it because

I track my calories it’s about 1000 a day and since I am not small everyone gives me diet pointers

My virtual therapist not only ghosted me but finally came to town and went sightseeing with a colleague

Been having concussion issues light hurts and the back of my head hurts besides the lupus pain all the stress is causing.

Went to the doctors and the nurse instead of helping me to see what was causing my issue fat shamed me

Both Dr office and nutritionist said I needed less stress

Every single day I walk into work and get yelled at or chastised for what I am wearing

I wanted to clear the trademarks I made with a colleague that we put in. about 3k she wants me to pay her 3k plus 5k plus expenses

My court case ended 1100$ fine had a an on phone assessment for alcohol 40 hrs service and attended a madd meeting

Software business owner in every free moment I was not working found reasons to make me work.

I have one more year of restriction driving. It has left me with non social life. killed any chance to date and eliminated most friendships.

I have been sober since August

I am in a 6 week diet challenge

I organized an event and members did another one cause they didn’t think it was formal enough

I thought I had the weekend to be at the beach cat sitting so I could walk to the beach my friends returned a week Early

My family is having a major issue with my nieces surgery so not able to be there much

Workers are taking more days off

So now I am there more but they pick on me and good/ bad make me solve my own problems was hoping to get a promotion but they did there best to bring me to tears and treat the other three sales people like they can do no wrong

My intimate relationships both moved away and third gets competitive about work

I tried getting a new place five times

The pressure from everyone to work and make them money is unrelenting

It’s the holidays and everyone is showing up paired off and I find myself reluctantly being the third wheel

I just got a Facebook post from a friend who shared his pictures of his failed attempt to kill himself

Boss said he didn’t care what is going on in my life.why am I not selling?

I had a big sale cancel.

I need to sell 50k more flooring by December 1 to bonus this month.

I know these are first world problems.

Everyone wants to know why I cannot be happy and take care of them? And there concern is what size I wear and what I am wearing.

My third book is on line with a signing in two weeks I am hosting a fundraiser for a non profit where to find my inner peace to do this?